Discouragements and what it means to be "God FIRST"

Matthew 6:33

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Everything came to light because of this verse,as I decided to place all my burdens and disappointments with God for I know these are trials that i needed to understand why God placed me through all these, how then I could be blameless and obey what God wants me to portray the heart of God as...

Having been through a week of disappointments and as I packed my bag to penang, I took out my laptop and placed my notebook in with my bible instead. It was not cos the books were lighter, but I wanted to get myself ready for a breakthrough in this season, persistently and consistently seeking God in everything. Because of this, strong revelations just kept coming that pieced up all my doubts. Indeed, as Pastor Lia shared how when God has given us His promises, in this case I knew God will eventually bring away all the burdens and problems I've been facing, but we also can't sit around waiting for the breakthrough to come on its own! 

On my trip to Penang, I decided to revisit the sermon on "How to get out of Discouragements" and through this it grew my faith in God. One strong msg that really got into me was condemnations.

1 John 3:20 

For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.

Like what was also shared by Pastor How, it really takes no effort to b negative, just like how weeds grow among the beautiful flowers or crops. 

Revelation 1: It doesnt matter what condemns us in life, who condemns us in life but God knows all things. Even before we ask for anything, He knows.

- I remembered when I was learning how to do gardening, Jo always tell us to remove the weeds as it takes up extra nutrients from your plant. Through this I knew, I want to be the one to take that effort to be willing to stretch, remove the weeds in my life and plant in good seeds. 

- I came to understand that these weeds are not the people who condemn me, but the misunderstandings they had of me and of God. That is one, Robby. Many people had been telling me to leave and stop working for him in this restaurant, but God told me otherwise. It's not about condemning him back nor removing him from my life, but instead its letting him understand the heart of God through me. I wanted to follow God's will, as God had sowed the word in me, I want to be sowed into the lives of people around to bring them closer to God instead of going further from them.

- Pastor Lia shared: What will roll off your tongue when you are being nudged? Are these words of death? Or words that will nourish and encourage others?

There, I took a step of faith to stop bearing grudges and invited Robby to bring his boys along for service this weekend, and I shared abt what I learnt from 1 John 3:20. I wanted him to know that Regina who grew in God is different from the depressed one last time alrdy, but instead he was wrong, I just grow stronger after each trials, removing the "weeds", the judgements he had abt me. Condemnations does not matter to me anymore, and more so I wont condemn anyone for I knew our God will never condemn anyone. That to say, Robby rejected my offer again and again despite me encouraging him to bring his kids along for children day celebration let them enjoy abit, mentioning that he just wanna stay home. The more I encouraged him to do so the tug in my heart to invite him came stronger, and soon i was even offering to go to his house to fetch his boys to and fro while he stay home rest. still, rejected, Tbh, I was frustrated how he deprived his sons from church for his own selfish means, but i held it back and continued sharing the word of God i was blessed with in this week's service, sowing the "Good seeds" God gave me...

Revelation 2: God paid a high price to seek and buy us! There is nothing we can do to earn our salvation, and money or good works just cannot buy the relationship that God have with us.

- God sent Charlotte into my life who brought me to accept Christ and there's always this one person God send to help Him find His treasures

- I want to be one of God's precious treasure through my life, the pearl of great price that was built up through pain and irritations. Discouragements, trials, judgements, tribulations.... I remembered how I used to have shooked my fist at God asking why is it me again, if He loves me why is it that all the bad things just keep happening on me, why is God not doing anything to stop them? The big ans came from Pastor How's article, God created me. I trust in God as he builds me up into a beauty through the price he paid.

- I wanted to be the one to be used by God to find His treasures. I knew I could do nothing to let God love me more or less, but I was glad I had obeyed God's will and had invited director of the company i worked in. It must be God. I had been trying to invite him since 5 weeks back but each time in vain but as i on my phone ytd after landing in changi airport, i received his msg that he will be coming for service 2! Its been a while since I invited anyone! on one hand I was happy, on the other hand tbh i was nervous shit :x Thank God everything went well ytd and I myself received so much from the word of God!

- If God is willing to pay anything for me to be saved, what more should i ask for and I will be willing to be the one to do anything to get my friends and family saved too! One thing i had found strength in God is to really ask BOLDLY!

I have done little but God gave me the strength to do even more in my stretch for more breakthroughs, Faith and holiness kept me going and I know from this day i yearn even more to do my life for God and with God, 

Discouragements

Too many things happen in just one week... problems after problems, disappointments after disappointments...

1. Been busy with new menu trainings as I went the extra mile to really go through everything in the recipe book and clarify, summarising everything on a "cheatsheet" for the sake of asia sq abc chef team. But, so what if i do so much? people dont appreciate and took them for granted and what hurts was people PITYING me and being nice to me just cos i had depression before? I guess if the Regina before would have been angry cos it was humiliating, but today I say it hurt not cos it was a personal attack, but it hurt cos it came out of the mouth of the follower of Christ; it hurt cos why ppl dont understand...

Remembered what was shared in the service of Intimacy with God, where I asked myself:

Am I an example to the people around us, an alternative voice or light to others? Are the things I say or do reflect God, living the way God wants me to?

but I'm burdened, very burdened on how to let those who dont understand, start to understand the heart of our God... but i dont know how...

2. Penang Gugu passed away out of the sudden without saying goodbye. Daddy and mummy cried upon receiving the call. It hurts cos the strongest guy at home held the phone and just kept tearing, a scene we last saw when I was 7 when the hospital called abt the death of my grandma. The nxt few days I was just challenged to pick up the burden of taking care of grandparents and siblings on top of the hectic workload before i fly to penang for the wake later on thurs... I gave all to take good care of grandparents, I gave all to prep bkfast for siblings but its still NOT ENOUGH...

I missed gugu too, knowing it wont be a "see you again" goodbye to her, it placed fear in me... life and death, when will be the last day we see each other? When will be the last chance to get this one person saved and secure an eternal life with God? 

3. The dilemma of attending the chinese rituals in Penang as a christian was a huge fear...

Exodus 20:5

you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God,am a jealous God

Remembered what was shared by Pastor John Bevere: A person who is scared of God is cos he's got something to hide; but a person who fears God fears being AWAY from God. That was the exact fear I had, afraid of immersing myself too much into those chinese rituals but needed to cos parents were unhappy if i dont... 

Promise land or the Promiser?

It's been long since my last post in July and many things had changed. Drastically I mean. Fallen out of school cos I said "I give up", n there I am now back working as a part time chef, a guzheng instructor and programme coordinator. Many asked, arent you tired doing all this, holding 3 jobs in your hands and working mon to sun? Honestly, yes I am. But also I am too busy to go back to God too. Time when I wake in morning was spent on TV shows, prog coordinator projects, or just stoning before chef work starts; train trips became napping time; breaktime spent on laptop; after work time spent on washing up n flopped dead on bed. That became the cycle every single day, and so where was the "God's time"? idk...

As Pastor John Bevere was sharing abt the series of Good or God, God touched my heart once more. Suddenly i realised my missing "God's time" in my everyday and how I failed to even try maintaining that relationship with my heavenly Father. So what if work brings me money? Yes God promised me financial stability at the end of the day with all the 3 jobs i hold, my promise land. But, what is good may not be God, and tears fell as I realised I had been naive to not realise I had been pursuing the wrong goal. Pastor John Bevere mentioned abt how sometimes we pray for the wrong things and kept going towards the wrong goal and there I was, going in the wrong direction. It all comes down to asking myself this:

What is my TRUE goal? Do I want to seek the promise land that God had promise me, or do I want to seek the Promiser?

Exodus 22:1-3

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Depart and go up from here, you and the people whom you have brought out of the land of Egypt, to the land of which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, saying, ‘To your descendants I will give it.’ 2 And I will send My Angel before you, and I will drive out the Canaanite and the Amorite and the Hittite and the Perizzite and the Hivite and the Jebusite.3 Go up to a land flowing with milk and honey; for I will not go up in your midst, lest I consume you on the way, for you are a stiff-necked people.”

God told Moses to go to the land he promised but He will not go with them Himself. There, the answer was clear. If I have to choose I knew I would rather have God's presence without His promises than to have God's promises without His presence... 

That day I cried in a mess in service. Pastor gave us a min to talk to God, tell Him something that I want to, just like how we will talk to our daddy... I reached my hands up, remembering a service that was preached on what it meant when our hands are positioned in different positions... My outreached hands wanted to surrender my life my commitments back to God once more, and said: "God, Father, I missed you, so much..." There and then I knew God heard me and this unexplanable peace just surged in and i had the feeling of daddy's care just like how a dad will pick the baby up when they reach their hands up in the air.... 

Pastors always mention:

Time is the price to God's presence

1 Chronicles 16:11

Seek the Lord and His strength;
Seek His face evermore!

I knew I not just need to come to God more, but persistently, continuously... just like the song that sung: I need you more, more than ytd, I need you more, more than words can say. I need you more, than ever before....