Stress was everywhere. That year, I met a group of friends from Sengkang CC study room. It was that year that our MP decided to initiate to open the study room for 24hrs with food n drinks for students. It was a nice n cozy place where I met friends from all other JCs and made it my second home. One of a friend brought me to a church to worship you from then, brought me for CG that was held every week. I remembered I kneeled before you and felt your presence in one of the service. I still kept that pocket bible grandma gave me, and that small cross with a heart in the middle. I bought myself a bible too cos I wanted to know you better. I remembered how dad was angry for me turning to you my lord, but I went on to be with you and relationship with my family worsened. I felt peace, a place to let my stresses go and to talk to you, but thinking back about how I did it that time, lord I needed to seek your forgiveness for I had been trying to connect to you wrongly. I was not taught how to really pray to you, how to worship and praise you my lord. I remembered how I only just kept coming to you to want to receive from you my lord, and then, to me, worshipping is just singing to you in church. I was wrong. I followed how the rest praised you on social media, getting lots of likes for doing it? Today I reflect upon all my mistakes I made with you, and maybe that was why you made that friend of mine to leave me right before alevels? The day my friend broke ties with me, I was devastated and hurted alot. I stopped believing in you that year just cos I lost that friend, relationship with my family was strained as well.
When I studied Occupational Therapy, you gave me a friend, Jolyn. Shes a lovely girl then, a devoted christian. I remembered how I went to the christmas play she invited us to, the play when I watched the actors play out the story of Jesus Christ and how he sacrificed himself on the cross. However that day during worship I felt uncomfortable. I respected, but still, I did not believe in you.
2014, during our 3rd year as an Occupational Therapy student. We all grew, we matured. Jolyn left us cos she thinks that this threesome clique is not benefitting her, and there, she mixed with the 'scholars group of friends. Then, I really really lost touch with you lord. No more small little notes of encouragement from Jolyn with verses from the bible, nobody inviting us to church. I grew to forget about you. This year, i fell. Really really badly when my ex decided to leave me. Fell into bad depresssion, hospitalised and everything. Thinking back, if I had believed in you my lord, would things been different, maybe I would have felt better? But I believe in this too my lord--
this could be just a preparation for the best of me now. Yes I was badly hurt, but I learnt, I grew. I paused school and now found back my love in cooking n baking and now, I'm looking forward to go back to school in April, I knew my school life will be different now with you walking me through.
Christmas, the day when all my friends worship and remember your love for us. But christmas in 2014 was just another normal day for me. I worked from morning till night, reached home n went to sleep, next day wake up n work again. I lost touch with you.
New year eve, when my friends gathered together to countdown, when my family gathered to countdown with food n fruit ciders, I was working again. I remembered how I missed the train all this while I tried coming home early after work but, 11.59pm i was downstairs at my block, I wanted to stop the time badly. The clock struck 12am when I was all alone in the lift, there, its 2015. it all started badly. Really badly. 1st day of the year I fell so sick at work,high fever. how bad can that be? From then, I sighed, 2015 is going to be a bad year ahead :(:(:( To make that believe even more true, Grandpa fell sick. Very sick all of a sudden. It pained my heart to see him all well on one day, still going out to buy 4D and magazines, then suddenly next day seeing him weak n refusing food and medication. That day he fell 3 times. The next few days I saw my grandpa deteriorate and even bedridden. Grandpa started talking about his stories, his regrets in life, talking to me to tell me listen to parents n study well, everything as if he's going to join you any moment. I felt lost and really bad that time as I just cant give grandpa more time, to talk to him all I could, to spend time with him, because I got work. One day, I went to talk to grandpa, he asked my mum who I was. I felt the world crashing down on me. I was afraid. My bf was away on the mission to find the missing plane. I got no one to turn to, but it hurts to see things becoming like this. For that I thought I needed to change my job! Went for the interview that I had hesitated for long while I was at work in sentosa, n lied to them I gtta go haha. well im glad I did that, cos for that I was accepted as the chef immediately on day of interview! My boyfriend was right, I could do it. Then I got a new job on 9 Jan at ABC that made everything seems better:) I only needed to work till 2pm and I could come home earlier to be with grandpa. Back then, I did not know you had already been drawing a path to lead me back to you.
10 Jan, you sent the pastors to visit Grandpa. They prayed for him, but again, I could not be there as I still got to work at sentosa that weekend. That night when I was home, mum said Grandpa was so energized when he was with the pastors. He was in good mood, he talked sensibly... Thank you for loving him so much even though he hadnt been praying n being with you for sooooo long, never step into church for close to 20 years... For your love for my grandpa, I am truly thankful for what you gave him.
11 Jan, you got Charlotte to invite me to HOGC! :) Initially I would say I was like hmm...shd I go... how would the church be like... but 2 reasons made me turn up eventually:)
1. Charlotte bday celebration! how can I not go, and gtta bake something for her:):):)
2. That day grandpa got bedridden again :( All I thought was, if grandpa believed in you my lord, I need to be there to pray for him, to ask you for strength and forgiveness in behalf of my grandpa.
I had a great day that day. Caught up with Charlotte, like LONG LOST FRIEND? Met lots of new friends who are lovely n really friendly:) I started to love HOGC, I like the way Pastor How talked about how I could change to be a successful person. I found out what I had been doing wrong. It made me make up that jittery mind of whether I should really quit the job at sentosa cove. n YES. y spend my time n skills there when its not put into good use? Well n most importantly, u brought me closer to you. That day when I worshipped, yes I felt slightly uncomfortable still, but I needed your help to bring strength to my grandpa, I needed you to bring strength to my boyfriend who posted lots of depressing stuffs about how depressed he was out there... That day, I asked for your help sincerely, not for me, but to the people who love me just like how you love them so...
Next 2 days, Grandpa got better again! Mum said it was the weather that got better. I believed that. But I asked myself maybe it was something greater. That week was much better, although grandpa was weak, but not bedridden at least, n he remembered me:) I also found out that there were many friends working in ABC being loved by you in HOGC that monday:) that made me even closer to you as they spoke about how they came to you in HOGC... That same week, I remembered how Tommy called to share about how he found a floating corpse. He sounded excited over the phone, depicting the process of how he reported it and all. I knew it was you my lord. You took him away from me during new year, because you had to send him to finish a bigger mission out there. You had given him your eyes and wisdom to find the missing one. I was proud of Tommy. Really thankful for all he had done with you watching over him when he was out there tired and frustrated about why he was out there, to bring back the missing soul to someone whom you loved in indonesia.
18 Jan, I felt that I want to go HOGC again. I want to meet the awesome ppl there, and I wanted to be with you, with all the people who love you and whom you love. That day Dr Robi and Pastor Leo strengthened me, to conquer giants. Before this, I asked myself why has the year been so bad for me so far? theres so many problems surfacing and just when we thought things are better, more problems came. Got all my answers from this service and I shared that with Tommy that day. There were lots of things I wanted to share with Tommy, well but he seemed quite, not interested. He changed so much when he came back... :( I longed to see his smile like how he smiled on our first date, but all was lost :( That same day, I learned too. I think that it was not a coincidence to become friends with Charlotte in P2, it was definitely not just cos I was the monitress. It was you my lord. Its part of your plan to bring me back to you, to start to believe in you even after not being in contact with charlotte for like 13 years.
That week, grandpa was on and off good and bad. I got him a shaver but I got scolded:( Well I guess frustrations made him refuse the electric shaver. 22 Jan, my grandfather was almost well! he walked ard CARRYING the walking frame... that same day, my boyfriend passed his test! lord I knew it was you. You answered my prayers to you for my grandpa. Tommy said to me "pray for me", i knew i had to do it despite still not knowing how to really talk to you. I remembered I asked you to be with him, to give him strength, give him the wisdom and to remind him of anything he hadnt seen or forgotten during his test. I was amazed each time you made things happen. A week before my mum was googling for christian funerals (OMG) but u amazed me to make my grandpa miraculously improve n recover in matter of days...this day, I asked i my prayers on how i should do to help my distressed boyfriend...HOW! what should I do to keep this relationship going...why is Tommy distancing apart again?
23 Jan, I attended my first CG with Charlotte. Waimun shared her testimony and I saw how you had touched her life as well. It was a great day and the girls prayed to you for my grandpa to be even better than how he had recovered so far and better than before. I was really really thankful for it, and I knew you heard their prayers for him before that too before I even come HOGC... Today lord answered my prayer and sent tommy's best friend to talk to him the whole evening! He felt so much better and his friend reassured him about my love for him... I guess I really cant dont believe that you have answered my prayer once more...
24 Jan, today morning I woke with Tommy's love messages. it was answered once more about our strained relationship I asked god last night. Today grandpa sat like a boss reading newspaper once more, and e started doing sudoku again just like before. yes prayers work. Thank you lord for making wonderful things happen. This day grandpa turned to me as i sat there watching tv with him. He asked for the electric shaver. After 3-4 weeks not shaving and being so unkempt, grandpa sat at his seat and shaved. Without having to fear cutting himself with the normal blade shaver, or having the struggle to see where he should shave due to his very poor eyesight as he could just feel the stubbles with other hand. I was amazed again by how these small little things happened,but yes it was all planned right? Even for how you had made me an occupational therapy student to bring healthcare knowledge for my grandparents,family and friends?
25 Jan, Tommy questioned my love for him. the voices in his mind had been telling him to doubt me... I was lost and really sad...Its difficult... I felt that this relationship is so difficult with "someone" trying to ruin it... Lord, you had done alot for me and answered so many prayers from me. Today as pastor Joakim asked that question, I knew it was time for me to give my life to you. You proved me so much in a matter of 3 weeks, you gave me every answers to my questions to you, and this day I asked for acceptance and forgiveness of my sins and guide me through to believe in you and knowing more about you as I said the most important prayer...
26 Jan, father you amazed me early in the morning again. 3 lifts that were under maintenance and as I prayed in jesus name for a small request to send me a lift up, just one, so that I wont be late for work? As i walked down the stairs as fast as I could. A thought suddenly just came to my mind, I got to take a photo of the lift! lol I think you made me do it... and the next thing i knew, the lift door behind me opened and a man walked out?! shocked... but I took the lift down... that must not be a coincidence... for you are the greatest and really could do anything... Thankyou for loving me and bringing me back to you...
